Telling The Tale

Dear readers, dear writers, dear dreamers,

For weeks I've been agitated with the lack of progress with my writing.
It's hard and I was never naive enough to expect this whole journey to be an easy  sugar-spun path. No, I knew it would be arduous.

But do you know what the hardest part is for me?

For a while it was the actual writing that was killing me. I couldn't get myself to sit down and scrawl down the words, fearing that they wouldn't do my characters justice, but the idea of a blank page became far worse than one inked with uncertain, almost-there prose.
The internet access never helped and none of those 'How To Write' books which always include a phrase like 'You just need to write.'
As if that's really a surprise!
Still, I keep them around, just in case I need to read that, because it can be tempting just to keep everything in my head where in theory it's all perfect and the way I want it. However tempting it is, I can't leave it like that; I want other people to feel what I do, and for that to happen then they need to be able to read my thoughts in a palpable medium.

So, trying again without the internet and switching to a pad and paper accompanied by a dictionary, there was nothing to distract me.
Although, I really enjoy looking for random and amazing words . . .

Those were a long few months.

Currently, I'm on my second redraft of the manuscript. I never thought I'd ever get this far! Now, the struggle isn't the writing anymore because I'm sure of my own distinct style. I have a voice that no one else does and that's a good thing on most days (far easier than trying to emulate an inspiration which I have tried so many times)

Now the chief problem I have is quite simply believing.

Sounds a little Disney-esque, I know.

Are you also picturing a princess/prince/fairy godmother/furry little animal saying 'Believe in yourself' with heartfelt conviction?

I know it can't just be me. I'm thinking this;

Winnie The Pooh - You never fail to liven my spirits

Yet another reason to love those animated stories.

It's never been easy to believe that maybe my words are actually valuable and worth being read. I'm far more likely to think 'does anyone really want to read my book when there are undoubtedly much better ones of the same genre by more experienced writers?'

For so long I was sure that the answer was 'no,' but now it's slowly edging towards 'yes.'

Finally.

I would share a little excerpt with you all but I suspect the soon to be third problem of perfectionism is why I can't. Perhaps, i will soon.
I truly look forward to being secure enough to do that.

So, readers, writers, dreamers . . . don't you dare stop being any of those. You may end up losing your sanity and hair in the process but remember, most of us lack the first.
As for the second, I'm pretty sure I have enough to lend you.

Thank you for enduring this. I hope you feel free enough to share a little of yourself with me.

Go on - no judgement here.

Yours

Afsaneh